Post by Someguy on May 12, 2010 14:40:38 GMT
Nope, but I'm going to give it a go.
Horoscopes: May 12th.
Aries: Those under the sign of the fiery ram may be distressed to discover that not only will this sign physically manifest itself over the next few weeks but that it is also a euphemism.
Capricorn: Good news and bad news, Capricorn, so you'd better sit down for this one. The good news is that you are now sitting comfortably. The bad news is that you will never walk again.
Sagittarius: Congratulations. The Zodiac Killer is in town and its your sign's turn. The lucky winner gets to wake up trussed in a dirty bathtub full of sewage water and a bar of soap stuck with filthy razor blades. Your instructions are to 'have a good wash'.
Taurus: All your bases are belong to us.
Virgo: Sign of the Virgin which, considering what is going to happen to you several times over the course of your impending abduction, is really quite ironic.
Gemini: Today is the day the evil twin that you never knew about tries to steal your life. But take heart; when he or she sees that you have no life to steal, they will probably go away.
Libra: I'd tell you but you'd probably kill yourself just to avoid the horror of it.
Scorpio: A sting in the tail for all our Scorpios out there! You are going to be horribly mangled in a car accident. The sting is that while your broken body lies entangled in the wreckage, the vehicle will ignite, effectively boiling the face from your fractured but still conscious skull. Enjoy.
Cancer: Is what you have. And yes; it's incurable.
Leo: Injustice is the theme for the next few days, Leo, when a clerical error sees you put on trial for the wanton genocide of Jews in a war that occurred nearly seventy years ago.
Sagittarius: If you were ever thinking about drowning your baby then today is the day to get away with it.
Pisces: Declining fish populations can only mean one thing, Pisces; that there aren't as many fish left in the sea. And what this means for your relationship chart is that, statistically, you are going to be on your own. Forever.
Horoscopes: May 12th.
Aries: Those under the sign of the fiery ram may be distressed to discover that not only will this sign physically manifest itself over the next few weeks but that it is also a euphemism.
Capricorn: Good news and bad news, Capricorn, so you'd better sit down for this one. The good news is that you are now sitting comfortably. The bad news is that you will never walk again.
Sagittarius: Congratulations. The Zodiac Killer is in town and its your sign's turn. The lucky winner gets to wake up trussed in a dirty bathtub full of sewage water and a bar of soap stuck with filthy razor blades. Your instructions are to 'have a good wash'.
Taurus: All your bases are belong to us.
Virgo: Sign of the Virgin which, considering what is going to happen to you several times over the course of your impending abduction, is really quite ironic.
Gemini: Today is the day the evil twin that you never knew about tries to steal your life. But take heart; when he or she sees that you have no life to steal, they will probably go away.
Libra: I'd tell you but you'd probably kill yourself just to avoid the horror of it.
Scorpio: A sting in the tail for all our Scorpios out there! You are going to be horribly mangled in a car accident. The sting is that while your broken body lies entangled in the wreckage, the vehicle will ignite, effectively boiling the face from your fractured but still conscious skull. Enjoy.
Cancer: Is what you have. And yes; it's incurable.
Leo: Injustice is the theme for the next few days, Leo, when a clerical error sees you put on trial for the wanton genocide of Jews in a war that occurred nearly seventy years ago.
Sagittarius: If you were ever thinking about drowning your baby then today is the day to get away with it.
Pisces: Declining fish populations can only mean one thing, Pisces; that there aren't as many fish left in the sea. And what this means for your relationship chart is that, statistically, you are going to be on your own. Forever.