Post by Spidey on Feb 22, 2010 23:05:21 GMT
First, you need a parrot-- OH WAIT, the other kind of pirate.
I promised Pete a while ago that I'd post about how to use Bit Torrent to download comics. So I'm doing this, but I'm also including some other ways of saying "screw you" to The Powers That Be.
Naturally, I don't suggest you actually do any of this, especially not to download copyrighted materials. That would be illegal. I definitely don't condone illegal activities of any sort, hello Mr RIAA Man how wonderful to see you. No, no, this is purely for educational purposes. So that you're aware of what all those bad people in the world are doing so that you know what not to do. Yes. Have I overstated this enough yet? Okay, moving on.
Oh, and all of this is for Windows computers. If you use a Linux distribution, you should be competent enough to know all this already. If you use a Mac, you're screwed. Fun talk!
Bit Torrent and Why It's Awesome
Bit Torrent isn't the name of a single program; it's just a method of downloading files. (A protocol, if you will, but don't ask me to explain; I dropped out of Computing, after all. It's a peer-to-peer system -- i.e., you're downloading from other users currently connected to the Internet -- along the lines of Kazaa and Napster, only good and actually nothing like those. Oh, just ask Dave.) The programs themselves are called clients, and my personal favourite is uTorrent, which I'll be referencing from now on. Feel free to try out other clients if you get bored one day.
DOWNLOAD: www.utorrent.com/downloads
Install that and you're ready to go.
BUT HOW DO I GO, CATI? you're asking, if you haven't buggered off by now. Well, Bit Torrent clients use files called, wait for it, torrents to get the download/connection information they need; these files helpfully end in .torrent. You could search Google for anything -- for example, "band album name torrent" -- and probably find what you want.
However! This is risky, especially if you're looking for, say, a good copy of that hot new movie that just came out. The likelihood is you'll get a .rar file you need a password for, which won't contain the movie at all but some other random file. Most torrent posts have comments attached, so if there are no comments or if they all say "NOOOOOO OH MY GOD PADME" or something similar, you'll want to skip that one. (It may even contain viruses, but this isn't a problem if you have competent anti-virus software installed, Fire Bear.)
One solution is to register with a site that requires user accounts to upload and download torrents. My hypothetical favourite is Demonoid -- www.demonoid.com/ -- let me know if you want an invite. Or a site that's established itself as a reliable source: eztv.it for television episodes, for example.
If you've installed uTorrent correctly, it should load up automatically when you double-click the .torrent and ask you where to save the file. After that, it's like any other download. If you don't know what to do with those, I can't help you.
CATI, WHY IS IT GOING SO SLOWLY?
Ah, grasshopper, you've hit a common snag: the firewall. Let me put this delicately: DO NOT DISABLE YOUR GODS DAMNED FIREWALL. Instead, just allow uTorrent server access; XP and Vista should come up with a prompt for this, so it's just a matter of ticking a box. If you have trouble, come to me with specifics and I'll help you out. But seriously, don't disable that shit altogether. That's just asking for trouble.
UH IT'S STILL SUPER SLOW -- yeah okay you probably have a firewall in your router, too, or some technical thing like that. This is more complicated. Get your resident techie to have a look here.
Of course, it might also be slow because there are no "seeds", i.e., people with full copies of the file who are uploading it to you (and others). Check the uTorrent window under the column labelled "Seeds". If the number not in brackets is zero, you're gonna have to suck it up and wait.
Thus concludes the Bit Torrent section of Cati's (Hypothetical) Pirate Tutorial.
YAY COMIC BOOKS
If you want to ascend to the next level of nerddom, you're gonna need to mainline some comics. Think of a comic, any comic; the internet has a torrent of it somewhere. Fantastic Four? Check. Watchmen? Check. Maus? Check. A collection of Oor Wullie from the early Nineties? CHECK. But just to be confusing, comic nerds of the internet have come up with two new file extensions for these: .cbr and .cbz.
You can access these files without any extra software. If you change a .cbr extension to .rar, or a .cbz to .zip, you can open the files with Winzip/etc and find a bunch of numbered picture files. But opening each one individually to read a comic is annoying. AND SO--
DOWNLOAD: download.cnet.com/CDisplay-Image-Display/3000-18488_4-10162238.html
--we use a program called CDisplay (there are others, but this is the simplest for Windows) to read without effort. Install it, open the .cbr or .cbz file in there, and use the arrow and page up/down keys to navigate. (If you have several issues in the same folder, you can use ctrl+L to open up the next issue when you finish one and READ FOR HOURS. You can figure out all this by experimenting, though.)
Again, you can find a torrent for pretty much any comic you want; Demonoid is particularly useful.
Um I Still Can't Get Bit Torrent To Work
If this is a user issue, I can probably help you out but I may mock you. If it's a technical issue -- maybe your ISP hates torrents or you're on a uni network or something -- well, my only other suggestion is Livejournal.
Oh yes, children, Livejournal isn't just a haven for emo teenagers whining about how unfair their parents are. It's also a fantastic source of (hypothetical) downloads of all shapes and sizes, with communities dedicated to specific mediums or genres or even TV shows themselves. It actually scores some points over torrents anyway: you're not stuck waiting for seeds or relying on slow downloads, because files tend to be hosted on central sites. The catch is less choice (you won't find those old Oor Wullie strips here), but most popular stuff can be found somewhere. I can direct you via PM, if you're interested, but you'll need your own Livejournal account.
NEXT WEEK: I Have An American DVD And I Want To Actually Watch It Instead Of Letting It Sit There Looking Pretty But I Don't Have A Multi-Region DVD Player. Title to be condensed, probably. Stay tuned!
P.S. yes you can download porn using Bit Torrent. Google those sites yourselves.
I promised Pete a while ago that I'd post about how to use Bit Torrent to download comics. So I'm doing this, but I'm also including some other ways of saying "screw you" to The Powers That Be.
Naturally, I don't suggest you actually do any of this, especially not to download copyrighted materials. That would be illegal. I definitely don't condone illegal activities of any sort, hello Mr RIAA Man how wonderful to see you. No, no, this is purely for educational purposes. So that you're aware of what all those bad people in the world are doing so that you know what not to do. Yes. Have I overstated this enough yet? Okay, moving on.
Oh, and all of this is for Windows computers. If you use a Linux distribution, you should be competent enough to know all this already. If you use a Mac, you're screwed. Fun talk!
Bit Torrent and Why It's Awesome
Bit Torrent isn't the name of a single program; it's just a method of downloading files. (A protocol, if you will, but don't ask me to explain; I dropped out of Computing, after all. It's a peer-to-peer system -- i.e., you're downloading from other users currently connected to the Internet -- along the lines of Kazaa and Napster, only good and actually nothing like those. Oh, just ask Dave.) The programs themselves are called clients, and my personal favourite is uTorrent, which I'll be referencing from now on. Feel free to try out other clients if you get bored one day.
DOWNLOAD: www.utorrent.com/downloads
Install that and you're ready to go.
BUT HOW DO I GO, CATI? you're asking, if you haven't buggered off by now. Well, Bit Torrent clients use files called, wait for it, torrents to get the download/connection information they need; these files helpfully end in .torrent. You could search Google for anything -- for example, "band album name torrent" -- and probably find what you want.
However! This is risky, especially if you're looking for, say, a good copy of that hot new movie that just came out. The likelihood is you'll get a .rar file you need a password for, which won't contain the movie at all but some other random file. Most torrent posts have comments attached, so if there are no comments or if they all say "NOOOOOO OH MY GOD PADME" or something similar, you'll want to skip that one. (It may even contain viruses, but this isn't a problem if you have competent anti-virus software installed, Fire Bear.)
One solution is to register with a site that requires user accounts to upload and download torrents. My hypothetical favourite is Demonoid -- www.demonoid.com/ -- let me know if you want an invite. Or a site that's established itself as a reliable source: eztv.it for television episodes, for example.
If you've installed uTorrent correctly, it should load up automatically when you double-click the .torrent and ask you where to save the file. After that, it's like any other download. If you don't know what to do with those, I can't help you.
CATI, WHY IS IT GOING SO SLOWLY?
Ah, grasshopper, you've hit a common snag: the firewall. Let me put this delicately: DO NOT DISABLE YOUR GODS DAMNED FIREWALL. Instead, just allow uTorrent server access; XP and Vista should come up with a prompt for this, so it's just a matter of ticking a box. If you have trouble, come to me with specifics and I'll help you out. But seriously, don't disable that shit altogether. That's just asking for trouble.
UH IT'S STILL SUPER SLOW -- yeah okay you probably have a firewall in your router, too, or some technical thing like that. This is more complicated. Get your resident techie to have a look here.
Of course, it might also be slow because there are no "seeds", i.e., people with full copies of the file who are uploading it to you (and others). Check the uTorrent window under the column labelled "Seeds". If the number not in brackets is zero, you're gonna have to suck it up and wait.
Thus concludes the Bit Torrent section of Cati's (Hypothetical) Pirate Tutorial.
YAY COMIC BOOKS
If you want to ascend to the next level of nerddom, you're gonna need to mainline some comics. Think of a comic, any comic; the internet has a torrent of it somewhere. Fantastic Four? Check. Watchmen? Check. Maus? Check. A collection of Oor Wullie from the early Nineties? CHECK. But just to be confusing, comic nerds of the internet have come up with two new file extensions for these: .cbr and .cbz.
You can access these files without any extra software. If you change a .cbr extension to .rar, or a .cbz to .zip, you can open the files with Winzip/etc and find a bunch of numbered picture files. But opening each one individually to read a comic is annoying. AND SO--
DOWNLOAD: download.cnet.com/CDisplay-Image-Display/3000-18488_4-10162238.html
--we use a program called CDisplay (there are others, but this is the simplest for Windows) to read without effort. Install it, open the .cbr or .cbz file in there, and use the arrow and page up/down keys to navigate. (If you have several issues in the same folder, you can use ctrl+L to open up the next issue when you finish one and READ FOR HOURS. You can figure out all this by experimenting, though.)
Again, you can find a torrent for pretty much any comic you want; Demonoid is particularly useful.
Um I Still Can't Get Bit Torrent To Work
If this is a user issue, I can probably help you out but I may mock you. If it's a technical issue -- maybe your ISP hates torrents or you're on a uni network or something -- well, my only other suggestion is Livejournal.
Oh yes, children, Livejournal isn't just a haven for emo teenagers whining about how unfair their parents are. It's also a fantastic source of (hypothetical) downloads of all shapes and sizes, with communities dedicated to specific mediums or genres or even TV shows themselves. It actually scores some points over torrents anyway: you're not stuck waiting for seeds or relying on slow downloads, because files tend to be hosted on central sites. The catch is less choice (you won't find those old Oor Wullie strips here), but most popular stuff can be found somewhere. I can direct you via PM, if you're interested, but you'll need your own Livejournal account.
NEXT WEEK: I Have An American DVD And I Want To Actually Watch It Instead Of Letting It Sit There Looking Pretty But I Don't Have A Multi-Region DVD Player. Title to be condensed, probably. Stay tuned!
P.S. yes you can download porn using Bit Torrent. Google those sites yourselves.