Post by An Cat. on Apr 28, 2010 15:13:49 GMT
Ok, I am being forced, or I somehow agreed, to write a poem to be read at the ceremony of my sister’s wedding in June about love, and this is a rough draft of my first attempt at a vague idea of what I could write, so any help on how to make this better or totally change it would be helpful as my sister is now harassing me for it to be finished!
So any advice on how to improve the rhythm, word choice, or add in any different ideas, take out ones that are in it, or switch things around would be great. I mention an angel in this which is technically not allowed BY THE GOVERNMENT because it's being done by a registraar and not a religious person, but I'm a rebel so I'm hoping I can leave that in anyway, but just to say any ideas you give me should preferably not involve anything with "religious connotations".
Be harsh please, this actually needs to be good! =( (- I am sad at the prospect of something I write needing to be good!)
Love (what else can I call this!?!?)
An angel breaks off her own wings
Just to walk out of the sun
Arm in arm with all she’s longed for
An other lonely, fallen one
A man rejects all that he wished for,
Ever rise to wealth and fame
Just to stay aground with all he needs now
The one girl who feels the same
A young boy sits alone all night
Waiting for a single call
All his hopes rest on that ring now,
One gentle voice can fix it all
A woman’s brave heart breaks in two
Over words, now memories past
And over moments, sweet and fleeting
Which were never made to last
A couple run through rainy streets
Icy fingers intertwined,
They do not feel the cold though,
They share a warmth found deep inside
Eyes open from a world of dreams
To awake to something new,
A moonlit figure lies before them,
Their prefect dream come true
She turns her head to search for him,
Through the chaos of the crowd,
The only sight she longs to know,
His voice the only sound
He feels his heart rise in his chest
As she walks into the room,
Illuminating darkness,
A perfect rose in bloom
They walk through hell and back again
Till the day their two paths cross,
Now they’re grateful for the journey
For they gained more than they lost
This is that feeling, deep within
We yearn for all our lives,
The elusive, treasured entity
We seek as our only prize
It is often unrequited
Or is lost along the way,
At times it goes unspoken
And slowly fades to grey/away
A lucky few will find it
And never let it go,
They will share it with an other
And watch it as it grows
Sometimes it feels like falling,
Or rising up above
And only one word yet describes it-
We call this feeling love.
So any advice on how to improve the rhythm, word choice, or add in any different ideas, take out ones that are in it, or switch things around would be great. I mention an angel in this which is technically not allowed BY THE GOVERNMENT because it's being done by a registraar and not a religious person, but I'm a rebel so I'm hoping I can leave that in anyway, but just to say any ideas you give me should preferably not involve anything with "religious connotations".
Be harsh please, this actually needs to be good! =( (- I am sad at the prospect of something I write needing to be good!)
Love (what else can I call this!?!?)
An angel breaks off her own wings
Just to walk out of the sun
Arm in arm with all she’s longed for
An other lonely, fallen one
A man rejects all that he wished for,
Ever rise to wealth and fame
Just to stay aground with all he needs now
The one girl who feels the same
A young boy sits alone all night
Waiting for a single call
All his hopes rest on that ring now,
One gentle voice can fix it all
A woman’s brave heart breaks in two
Over words, now memories past
And over moments, sweet and fleeting
Which were never made to last
A couple run through rainy streets
Icy fingers intertwined,
They do not feel the cold though,
They share a warmth found deep inside
Eyes open from a world of dreams
To awake to something new,
A moonlit figure lies before them,
Their prefect dream come true
She turns her head to search for him,
Through the chaos of the crowd,
The only sight she longs to know,
His voice the only sound
He feels his heart rise in his chest
As she walks into the room,
Illuminating darkness,
A perfect rose in bloom
They walk through hell and back again
Till the day their two paths cross,
Now they’re grateful for the journey
For they gained more than they lost
This is that feeling, deep within
We yearn for all our lives,
The elusive, treasured entity
We seek as our only prize
It is often unrequited
Or is lost along the way,
At times it goes unspoken
And slowly fades to grey/away
A lucky few will find it
And never let it go,
They will share it with an other
And watch it as it grows
Sometimes it feels like falling,
Or rising up above
And only one word yet describes it-
We call this feeling love.