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Post by curlyemma on Aug 24, 2010 20:25:40 GMT
Why Rob is awesome. He is a reincarnated war hero.
Taken from my church's centenary book, which I am currently proof-reading:
One particular story from these turbulent times deserves to be highlighted. Robert Kilgour, a member of South Shawlands, was serving as a sub-lieutenant on board the armed merchant cruiser 'Jervis Bay', a cargo liner converted for wartime use with the addition of seven six-inch guns and with her paintwork now a dull grey colour. On 5th November 1941, with the Canadian destroyer escort withdrawn, 'Jervis Bay' was left as the sole protection for convoy HX 84 sailing from Halifax, Nova Scotia. The convoy was attacked by the German pocket-battleship 'Admisral Scheer', with the result that after a one-sided engagement lasting one and three quarter hours the 'Jervis Bay' rolled over and sank. Robert Kilgour, sadly, was one of the 189 members of the crew who did not survive.
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Post by Someguy on Aug 24, 2010 20:41:44 GMT
'Robert Kilgour, sadly, was one of the 189 members of the crew who did not survive.'
Or so they thought.....
For in fact, Kilgour DID survive.....and he swam home through an ocean, sinking several U-Boats with his teeth along the way. Upon arriving back in Blighty, he enlisted in the parachute corps, took part in Operation Market Garden where, once airdropped into mainland Europe, he single-handedly defeated the Third Reich, arm-wrestling their armoured divisions into oblivion.
But so humble was this lone hero that he opted to shun the spotlight and instead organised an 'official' version of the truth with the then world leaders Stalin, Roosevelt, and Churchill (at gunpoint) before retiring to his home in Lanark where, after many decades, he finally decided to adopt a family and start higher education. He currently works as a dish-washer, in the manner of a secret kung-fu master who has learned the secrets of Being (see 'The Karate Kid').
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Post by curlyemma on Aug 24, 2010 20:55:56 GMT
I wondered what you'd do with it...
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Post by McBain on Aug 24, 2010 21:04:59 GMT
The sad thing is, it seems entirely feasible.
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Post by Someguy on Aug 24, 2010 21:25:09 GMT
Of course it is. I was there. As his beard. It, that is 'I', got tired of the peaceful life and broke away to have my own adventures, primarily in 'Nam (what a summer that was). Over time a body grew out of the hairy mass and that is how I came to be; as a lump of discarded facial hair.
My mother is Rob's stubble. My father is a slightly over-potent shaving cream.
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Post by McBain on Aug 24, 2010 21:30:23 GMT
All this talk of origin stories has inspired me. I've got nothing much planned for this week so I'm going to partake in a little genealogy. Who knows, maybe I'll discover something slightly more interesting than the gypsy king on my mothers side.
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Post by Someguy on Aug 25, 2010 11:36:48 GMT
The same gypsy king is probably on your father's side too which means, gasp, incest.
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Post by McBain on Aug 25, 2010 18:14:30 GMT
I'd happily take that slur in my stride, were it not delivered by the one member of writers' who has an unhealthy obsession with siblings and abusive uncles. Stewart, you need help.
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Post by Spidey on Aug 26, 2010 4:45:32 GMT
If we group together, we could probably provide him with a strategy guide of some sort.
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Post by McBain on Aug 26, 2010 9:28:53 GMT
Please tell me this strategy involves crocodile clips, electrodes and 1.21 Gigawatts.
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Post by Spidey on Aug 26, 2010 11:22:49 GMT
What you do in your private time is your own business, Pete.
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Post by Someguy on Aug 26, 2010 11:38:00 GMT
Yeah, Pete; you're like the inbred guy who lives in the dungeons getting his kicks from electrocuting people while quoting Back to the Future.
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Post by Spidey on Aug 27, 2010 8:58:06 GMT
Dude, I just said: private time, own business. I want plausible deniability when the police question me.
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Post by Someguy on Aug 27, 2010 10:49:48 GMT
But what if the police shout: 'That's implausible!' and arrest you anyway? Then telling the truth about what you know would be the only way to escape a lengthy prison sentence. You'd have to cut a deal.
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