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Post by thecatcher on Aug 7, 2011 17:15:56 GMT
Since the Edwin Morgan winners and runners up have been chosen and contacted and I have yet another no hitter, I thought I'd post my entry. Any feedback would be appreciated, I think I need a new approach. Attachments:
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Post by Fire Bear on Aug 8, 2011 0:01:55 GMT
I really liked this. However, I didn't really understand the "hair like a mask" bit...
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Post by thecatcher on Aug 8, 2011 0:56:26 GMT
Thanks Bex! I just mean that it covers the body's face
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Post by Fire Bear on Aug 8, 2011 10:13:36 GMT
Oh, right! That makes so much more sense!
And now that I know that - I love the poem! ;D
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Starlong
The Master
I have a theory. Let's conspire about it...
Posts: 938
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Post by Starlong on Aug 8, 2011 15:16:37 GMT
It's very interesting, though I wasn't sure of the flow of words, like it feels like there should be some stops somewhere, but I don't know the rules of poetry so I may be talking gibberish... Again.
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Post by thecatcher on Aug 8, 2011 18:39:52 GMT
Thank you for reading it I don't understand what you mean by stops though, could you elaborate please?
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Starlong
The Master
I have a theory. Let's conspire about it...
Posts: 938
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Post by Starlong on Aug 9, 2011 13:10:08 GMT
Am I right in saying that you should read poetry as if you read a sentence, in that the line breaks are for structure but not sentence flow. If that is the case, then I feel like there are parts where sentences should end or have commas at least.
If not, I have no idea what I'm talking about
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Post by thecatcher on Aug 9, 2011 16:38:13 GMT
You should read it like a sentence in that commas and full stops are breaks in your reading but you can also use lines breaks as well as skipping down a line to finish a sentence reads like a very slight break cause it takes longer to read. Emily dickinson used dashes to the same effect. The sentences you're talking about where it runs on beyond the confines of the line are deliberate and are there to add urgency or to add emphasis. Like the Haiku at the bottom of your post does it to draw attention to the contradiction in the previous line.
I'll obviously still have a look at where the lines run on and see if the flow comes across as I meant it. It's difficult though when you wrote it to read it like someone else will. Thank you so much for replying and giving me more information, hearing how other people read it is super important; thank you.
(also where the line runs on is called enjambment; incase you were interested!)
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