|
Post by Fire Bear on Mar 15, 2012 21:14:59 GMT
So, some people have read this who won't be there on Tuesday and they said it was basically crap and there was too much back-story. So I reworked it and now it's here. But there may still be too much back-story but the rest of the chapters will be much more interesting. (I tried to just shorten it and tack it on to the start of the second chapter but it didn't work out - it's still the same length. ) Attachments:
|
|
|
Post by Spidey on Mar 17, 2012 2:10:14 GMT
Okay, "Caucasian" was bad enough, but for the second time, just say white instead of "pale"--
Never mind, I'll read the rest and save my comments for a potential ACTUAL APPEARANCE on Tuesday. My commentary is bad when I do it stream-of-consciously anyway.
|
|
|
Post by Someguy on Mar 18, 2012 20:01:03 GMT
Nice to see that a term you picked up from secondary school English is still being put to use in describing any off-cuff commentary you happen to make.
|
|
|
Post by Spidey on Mar 19, 2012 8:07:03 GMT
I also misspelled it.
|
|
kerzv
Up And Coming
That's Not The Point.
Posts: 11
|
Post by kerzv on Mar 19, 2012 14:21:36 GMT
Something done pretty quick that can been looked at. Look forward to seeing you tomorrow Cati Attachments:
|
|
|
Post by cookiemad on Mar 19, 2012 18:31:23 GMT
Chapter 3 of Carlisle Services, first two are in the thread a few weeks back. Attachments:
|
|