mojojojoe
Tenacious Typer
The cold sweat in your breakfast
Posts: 232
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Post by mojojojoe on Nov 15, 2008 2:37:28 GMT
Is shit is shit is shit is shit is shit is shit is shit is shit is shit is shit is shit is shit is shit is so so shit.
Honestly.
There was one good bit in the entire movie. One. And it lasts one minute. One minute in a two hour movie is not enough to redeem it. They were shit with the story, they were shit with the casting and they were shit with the fact that it's a fucking Max Payne story not oh I'm a sad cop lets go crazy.
They missed out the noir themes, the constant running dialogue in Max's head, and the slow slow descent to madness. What they did include however was our latest Bond girl getting naked for no fucking reason, three instances of slow motion (two of which were focused entirely on Mark Wahlberg's ugly fucking mug) and a whole set of demons which frankly I don't remember being in the game at all.
BUT. and this is a small but. A tiny one. Think of a girl with a really small butt and you'll get what I mean.
The direction was good. Moore managed to get the gloom of the city pretty fairly, and there were some sections that were very stylistically and experimentally shot (the scene that comes to mind is where Max is beaten up and the shadows are hued with red at every hit he takes). But this isn't a saving grace. The film is shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.
Shit.
Watch another film. Or, better yet, play the game. I got my copy for a fiver on eBay and it gave me about eight hours of quality gaming and entertainment.
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Starlong
The Master
I have a theory. Let's conspire about it...
Posts: 938
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Post by Starlong on Nov 15, 2008 18:01:50 GMT
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had high hopes about that film ever since I saw that first trailer on that day of hope... I can't beleive it can be so bad! I must see it anyway! If only to see what could have been in place of what was... Speaking of the game, I have that lying around somewhere... I MUST FIND IT!
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Post by Fire Bear on Nov 15, 2008 19:23:53 GMT
Erm... What's Max Payne meant to be about,anyway?
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mojojojoe
Tenacious Typer
The cold sweat in your breakfast
Posts: 232
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Post by mojojojoe on Nov 16, 2008 0:14:21 GMT
The game is set around Max Payne. He was a detective in the police but after his wife and three month old baby were shot by junkies he joins the drugs section and goes undercover. Three years later he's framed for shooting his boss and thus sets out on a mission to find the real perp and get his revenge before the police get him. In the process of this he stumbles upon the secrets behind V, a powerful drug that fueled the junkies that killed his wife and kid. all this is told through epic gun fights, stylish slow motion and graphic novel cut scenes with lines that would make Raymond Chandler proud.
The film is based around a steaming pile of shit that looks like Mark Wahlberg.
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Post by Fire Bear on Nov 16, 2008 14:34:26 GMT
That sounds familiar, like I've read some of the points from various different books or seen them in various different films...
Kinda like the Bourne trilogy...
Or Sweeney Todd....
Or even Die Hard...
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Post by Miss O'Jenny on Nov 16, 2008 18:36:10 GMT
How could you have high hopes, Tom? It stars Marky Mark Wahlberg? A man who sits at the top of the Marky Mark scale of terrible acting (which goes 0 to Marky Mark).
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mojojojoe
Tenacious Typer
The cold sweat in your breakfast
Posts: 232
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Post by mojojojoe on Nov 16, 2008 23:48:02 GMT
Bourne Trilogy - a spy who lost his memory.
Sweeney Todd - his wife and child are stolen from him.
Die Hard - Wrong place, wrong time.
Nothing like Max Payne.
Max Payne - Cool.
But I shall forgive you.
And that is a very accurate gauge you have. Mucho impressed senorita.
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kitty
Captain of the Forum
Posts: 136
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Post by kitty on Nov 17, 2008 11:30:54 GMT
Thing with Mark Wahlberg is you give him credit because you remember him being in some not awful films.
Then you remember that was Matt Damon.
Matt Damon is easier to spell too.
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Post by Someguy on Nov 17, 2008 12:30:58 GMT
...Matt Damon.
By Jove and Jingo; the gel's right!
(!!! Joe's a full member now?! I must step up my post assault immediately...Mnyah!)
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Post by Miss O'Jenny on Nov 17, 2008 14:42:08 GMT
The MMWSoBA is awesome. I think it should be used more frequently. Like on Imdb, when it says how many stars the film has, there should be a SoBA scale underneath that... or for each of the main actors. That would be cool.
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Post by Fire Bear on Nov 17, 2008 15:52:22 GMT
Ah!
Too many people older than me! I have no idea what they are talking about half the time. (Although...)
What does MMWSoBA stand for?
What happens after you become a full member? (Or: Is there a level higher than full member? Alternatively: What the f***?)
Still looks like all those films were rolled into one video game...
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Post by Miss O'Jenny on Nov 17, 2008 17:46:57 GMT
MMWSoBA is the Marky Mark Wahlberg Scale of Bad Acting, as described in my earlier post. I think I may ask David to think of some funny status' instead of full member etc. That would be nice.
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Post by Fire Bear on Nov 19, 2008 16:02:20 GMT
Oh, see you didn't have all the words in capitals!!
You should put something really degrading as the next level, so Stewart gets upset when he undoubtedly reaches it!
I am so cruel at times... ;D
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Post by Someguy on Nov 19, 2008 16:32:06 GMT
Though ever so slighlty mediocre.
And that, madam, is what 'cruel' looks like.
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Post by Fire Bear on Nov 20, 2008 22:03:24 GMT
Looked up mediocre on the Internet (since I couldn't be bothered getting up of my arse to find the dictionary).
Apparently means ordinary; not special, etc.
I have no idea what you mean, therefore, I am just gonna ignore that comment... unless Peter can tell me at this very moment in time....
Nope, no light shed.
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